May 13, 2009

My feelings as the weeks close in on us

Aaaaannndddd, I just sent my bosses an email confirming when I will take my light duty and maternity leave. It feels weird to send that message. Makes the countdown seem that more.... I don't know.... Looming? Pressing? Those aren't quite the words I'm looking for, but they give just about the right connotation, except they aren't joyful enough at the same time as being inevitable. Imminent, maybe? I don't know.

I'm sure you all get where I'm going with this. I'm overjoyed, thrilled, eager, impatient that the time is drawing so near, yet I'm also anxious, doubtful, unsure, afraid. I'm sure anyone who has been in my shoes knows exactly how I feel. Overjoyed at the new life to love, thrilled to be given this blessing, eager to meet our child, impatient for him to be born. Anxious about my ability to care for him correctly, doubtful over my knowledge of children, unsure how to react, afraid we'll make the wrong choices. I mean, I can change a diaper, or feed him, bathe him. I'm not afraid I'll drop him or break him somehow. I've been around newborns before, and helped care for them. But this is different, this one is mine. We have to care for him at home with no help around the clock. I'm sure we'll manage just fine. It's just been so long since I've helped bathe a newborn, or......

I'm sure every new parent has these feelings. I'm sure we'll be just fine. We'll do what parents have done since the beginning of time. We'll figure it out. And if we run across something we can't figure out, we have family and friends who are parents, and we have the internet, if all else fails. After all, it's too late to turn back now. :) Even if we wanted to. (Of course, we wouldn't dream of it.)

These feelings are just new to me. I didn't have them last time. Of course, I didn't have to worry about bathing her that first week, or what to do if she starts crying and won't stop no matter what I do. So of course I didn't have them last time. I didn't have to worry about it. This time is a whole new ball game. Right now, I feel like I'm riding in the first car of the world's tallest, wildest roller coaster. We're paused at the top, a moment to catch our breath and collect our thoughts. Soon we'll be on our way down, and up, and around the track, travelling faster than we ever imagined!

Time to take a deep breath, hold hands, close our eyes, and just sit back and relax! I'm sure we're in for the most intense, most thrilling, most satisfying ride of our lives! I wouldn't trade it for anything, and it hasn't even really begun yet!

Wanna ride with us? Stick around! I'm sure all the ups and down will be posted right here!


Rebecca said...

1. I figured out an analogy. It's kinda like the couple weeks before graduation (high school, since it's all I have experience with--YET!), where you're so excited to be done with school, but you're scared about venturing out into the real world, worried you're not gonna make the right decisions, since most decisions in high school are relatively easy. Of course, your situation is on a MUCH greater scale that this haha.

2. I believe the roller coaster that corresponds with your situation would be the Incredible Hulk at Universal's Islands of Adventure. Right when you think your car is just gonna keep creeping up to the first drop, it shoots you to it instead. Yeah, I think it fits perfectly. :)
POV video:
Btw: this was my FIRST roller coaster ride! I was 12. :)

I'm really excited for you! :) Let me know if there's anything I can do/get for you that would help you out.


Patricia said...

Yes, the Incredible Hulk looks about right.... All the loops and corkscrews and such.... I just Googled "rollercoaster" images and grabbed a free-use one for this post, the one that looked like it was from the best coaster.

Now I wanna go on the Hulk! I'd have to take you, though. You know Michael doesn't do rides much. THe ferris wheel, Gravitron, and Himalayan at a fair is the most I get out of him. He won't do the space loop (ring of fire, whatever) or anything like that!