Nov 29, 2009

A new blog

I have started a new blog. This new one is anonymous. Names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty (including myself).

However, I screwed up from the beginning.

I linked that blog to this one (as in, I created them under the same profile). As a result, while this blog will stay here, will stay listed in the Blogger directory, and will be recognizable by search engines, it will no longer be listed on my Blogger profile. Also, my name on my profile has been changed, which resulted in my name on all blogs being changed. Kinda would defeat the whole purpose of picking out names for all of us if you can still click on my profile and arrive here, where I unfortunately didn't have the foresight to leave us all completely anonymous.

It was kinda on-purpose, so I would have one dashboard and one Google account to handle all my blogs and stuff. I just thought I would have more flexability when it came to having them be associated with one another on the 'net. Ya know what I mean?

Long story short, This blog is staying right here. I'm still gonna neglect to post here, just like always. It's just a little more incognito over here now. And in the future, general homemaking/working mom/food/recipe/menu stuff will be there, not here. Our daily life stuff that interests mainly only family will be here. New teeth, rants, raves, gripes, etc... I still plan on this being the place to air all our dirty laundry for the world (and by our, I mean my whole family, not just those who reside with me on a daily basis). And some of it could end up over there, just with a less personal touch, and with more regard to what is/isn't professional.

For those who read Mrs. Newlywed's blog before she went underground for a short while, think of it as being like her blog, with less emphasis on fashion and travel, and more on raising kids while working, etc. Completely anonymous. Hopefully funny and much-read.

Meanwhile, check out Rubber Duckies and Rice Cereal. I hear it's a really cool blog (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). At least, I hear tell it WILL be, after it gets going. Not all of the sidebar content has been created yet, and there WILL be ads after I add them. I'm doing an experiment, to see if I can get it off the ground and make a little money off of it. (Money to go to savings for additions to our house, college fund for kids, vaca money in the future, etc. Not to pay bills. Just so no one worries that we're starving or losing our house or getting our electricity shut off or something. No happening as of now. Pray to God we're never in that situation again. I mean money's tight, but just to the point of careful budgeting and not buying a lot of unnecessary crap and all that.)

My family is obligated to check it out, visit often, and promote it/blog roll it, etc. And please, pick up on the names I've created for all of us (Angst and Belle will remain in use, since they're already so popular), and use them often when speaking of my new blog. Leave it anonymous. As in, don't tell the world that it's me (your daughter/sister/etc.) behing the keyboard over there. Since Rubber Duckie is intended to (hopefully) have more exposure to the public my Crazy blog, I'd like for us to not fall victim to identity theft, stalkers, and the like. Feel free to leave Crazy in any existing blogrolls. Just don't publicly link the two. Thanks in advance for your forced participation in this. (And no, I don't feel bad in stealing Angst and Belle's nicknames. We know where the names originated. I'm stealing them to combat confusion amongst us.)

Oh, and if anyone would like a shout-out on my blog (ya know, writers and such that I may know - you know who you are) I can do it anonymously, without telling everyone that we're related. Just let me know.

Oh, one more thing - I created a gmail account (rubberduckiesmom - AT - gmail - DOT - com) for the new blog, so it wouldn't be tied to my personal email. Those who know my personal email are invited to use either account. I now have to log into iGoogle with my gmail, so I'll be just as likely to see your email there as I would if it were sent to my normal personal email account.

I haven't worked out all the details of how I will juggle keeping one blog so anonymous while not being so protective on the other. I think I'm going to eventually go through (soon) and change all the names on my Crazy blog, just so I won't be paranoid.

Nov 12, 2009

For Seester... with love <3

I saw this today, on V's blog, Not Even A T-shirt. It reminded me of you. You may not feel this way today, or even tomorrow. (For all I know you do... point is, I'm not sure how you stand on the issue yet, but anyway.....) One day, you WILL feel this way about a certain current situation. And you will know exactly what I meant when I posted this.

This one's for you, Sis. I love you.

One day, you'll be ready. And you will. And you'll (eventually) feel stronger for going through this and not letting it consume you in the end. One day. Just keep this in mind until then, knowing that one day you'll decide to take this route. And you won't care about this forever. One day, this will all be a distant memory, and you'll have something better, and then, on that day, this won't matter so much anymore. I promise. One day, you'll just wake up and be over it, and you won't ever look back. One day.

I love you.  :)

Nov 11, 2009

Update on Granddaddy's status

This isn't really much of an update. I just wanted to say that we went to visit him last night. It was a rush to get there. I got home at 7pm, fed Mikey his cereal, and strapped him in his carseat. We were at the hospital at 7:40. Mikey was  VERY upset with us when we got there. He cried all the way to the hospital. He knew it was almost bed time, and he couldn't fathom any reason for us to be going anywhere right before bed time. He was fine once we got there.

It was a surprise to Granddaddy. He didn't know we were coming. I think seeing his great-grandson really made his day. He talked to him a little while. I was disappointed because I had meant to take my camera to get pics of him with Mikey, just in case..... I thought my camera was in the car, but Michael couldn't find it. :( 

I didn't get much information out of him regarding hid diagnosis or test results. He has three kidney stones, two in one kidney and one in the other. He has an enlarged prostate, which has a "spot" on it, but not sure if it's cancer or not. He has a "spot" on his spine, again, not sure if it's cancer. He has an ulcer on his foot from the last time he fell. The bruise got so bad it's now ulcered. He hurts from his lower abdomen down through his legs. He can barely walk across his hospital room and back (with help).

He has had x-rays, scans, a bone scan, I don't know what all.... They want him to go to the nursing home for in-patient physical therapy for a few weeks. Last night he told me he was going to the one on West Hobbs Street, but today Michael told me he was going to the one across from the hospital. I hope not. I guess we'll see.

Then he told me that they had made new wills a few years ago. Not sure what they say. I told him I didn't care what they said. My exact words were,

"I've had 26 really good years with the two of you. I'd love 26 more, but if either of you are going to have to suffer for me to get them, then I'd rather just keep the memories I have and let that be enough. I'd rather you not suffer any more than you have to. I don't care about the house or money or car or any of that. Just the memories I have. That's what's really going to last, anyway."

Then he almost made me cry. He said what I had been hoping I wouldn't hear from him.

He said, "I'm just ready to go home to the Lord. I'm ready to be with my Momma and Daddy and son."

And Michael and I realized that he was crying. And it ripped our hearts out. That's the first time Michael has seen him cry. It's only the third time I've seen it. Once when Granny Kyle died, once when Daddy died, and once last night. I think he's dying. I think last night he was telling us goodbye, just in case......

I'm not ready for any of them to leave me. I just had my son. I want him to remember them when he gets older. I want him to have more than pictures and stories from us. I want him to have his own memories of these four great people, these people I love so much. I remember Granny Kyle a little. I used to go visit her with Granny when I was little. When she lived on Hine Street, in that little-bitty house. Before she went to the nursing home. I wish I had known then what I know now. Back then I was just bored while we visited. Now I could sit and listen to her talk for hours, telling stories about her growing up and how it was back in the good old days of her youth. I want that for my children. It just doesn't look like I'll get my wish.

Truthfully, I wish they could stick around for another 26 years for my son. Without pain, and illness, and everything else they're going through.

It seems like every time something good happens to me the last few years, someone dies. We got married, Memaw died. We had mikey, and now I really do believe Granddaddy is going to die. Very soon. Why can't something good happen to me without someone dying? Just once?

Now I'll be satisfied if I get to have all four of them for my son's first Christmas. I hope they all make it until then.

Meanwhile, I still haven't talked to Belle, and she (as of last night) still hasn't been to see Granddaddy. Too wrapped up in herself, I guess.

Nov 9, 2009

And now, for my 90th post, I bring you bad news....

I called Michael from work today after lunch. Guess what he told me.... Come on, just guess....

Granddaddy is in the hospital and has been since an ambulance picked him up Saturday. Granny said they think he might have prostate cancer, along with whatever else they find when they get all the test results back. Great.

The best part? My sister DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO TELL ME!!! Mike told Michael today.

I could have visited him yesterday, while I was off work. Instead, I get to leave work at 7pm tonight, go home, get my husband and son, drive to the hospital, get there around bedtime, visit for 10 or 20 minutes, then drive home. Then we all get to go to bed late (mostly my child, who likes his 8pm bedtime and will protest VERY LOUDLY if he is late about getting to bed).

Thanks heaps, Sissy.

I love you, no matter what. I just wish you had told me.