Nov 11, 2009

Update on Granddaddy's status

This isn't really much of an update. I just wanted to say that we went to visit him last night. It was a rush to get there. I got home at 7pm, fed Mikey his cereal, and strapped him in his carseat. We were at the hospital at 7:40. Mikey was  VERY upset with us when we got there. He cried all the way to the hospital. He knew it was almost bed time, and he couldn't fathom any reason for us to be going anywhere right before bed time. He was fine once we got there.

It was a surprise to Granddaddy. He didn't know we were coming. I think seeing his great-grandson really made his day. He talked to him a little while. I was disappointed because I had meant to take my camera to get pics of him with Mikey, just in case..... I thought my camera was in the car, but Michael couldn't find it. :( 

I didn't get much information out of him regarding hid diagnosis or test results. He has three kidney stones, two in one kidney and one in the other. He has an enlarged prostate, which has a "spot" on it, but not sure if it's cancer or not. He has a "spot" on his spine, again, not sure if it's cancer. He has an ulcer on his foot from the last time he fell. The bruise got so bad it's now ulcered. He hurts from his lower abdomen down through his legs. He can barely walk across his hospital room and back (with help).

He has had x-rays, scans, a bone scan, I don't know what all.... They want him to go to the nursing home for in-patient physical therapy for a few weeks. Last night he told me he was going to the one on West Hobbs Street, but today Michael told me he was going to the one across from the hospital. I hope not. I guess we'll see.

Then he told me that they had made new wills a few years ago. Not sure what they say. I told him I didn't care what they said. My exact words were,

"I've had 26 really good years with the two of you. I'd love 26 more, but if either of you are going to have to suffer for me to get them, then I'd rather just keep the memories I have and let that be enough. I'd rather you not suffer any more than you have to. I don't care about the house or money or car or any of that. Just the memories I have. That's what's really going to last, anyway."

Then he almost made me cry. He said what I had been hoping I wouldn't hear from him.

He said, "I'm just ready to go home to the Lord. I'm ready to be with my Momma and Daddy and son."

And Michael and I realized that he was crying. And it ripped our hearts out. That's the first time Michael has seen him cry. It's only the third time I've seen it. Once when Granny Kyle died, once when Daddy died, and once last night. I think he's dying. I think last night he was telling us goodbye, just in case......

I'm not ready for any of them to leave me. I just had my son. I want him to remember them when he gets older. I want him to have more than pictures and stories from us. I want him to have his own memories of these four great people, these people I love so much. I remember Granny Kyle a little. I used to go visit her with Granny when I was little. When she lived on Hine Street, in that little-bitty house. Before she went to the nursing home. I wish I had known then what I know now. Back then I was just bored while we visited. Now I could sit and listen to her talk for hours, telling stories about her growing up and how it was back in the good old days of her youth. I want that for my children. It just doesn't look like I'll get my wish.

Truthfully, I wish they could stick around for another 26 years for my son. Without pain, and illness, and everything else they're going through.

It seems like every time something good happens to me the last few years, someone dies. We got married, Memaw died. We had mikey, and now I really do believe Granddaddy is going to die. Very soon. Why can't something good happen to me without someone dying? Just once?

Now I'll be satisfied if I get to have all four of them for my son's first Christmas. I hope they all make it until then.

Meanwhile, I still haven't talked to Belle, and she (as of last night) still hasn't been to see Granddaddy. Too wrapped up in herself, I guess.

1 comment:

Rebecca said...

How about too wrapped up in work, eh? And trying to gain back the 15 lbs. I've lost in the last couple months. :P

Granddaddy has been saying that about being ready to go Home for a few months now. He started back when he went into the hospital right after last Christmas. He just never said it to anyone but me & Granny I think. I hope he sticks around for a few more years, at least.

At least your son has already been born and there is the possibility that he will remember them if they make it just a few more years. The way it looks with me...yeah, I'll not go there now. :/