And now, for my 90th post, I bring you bad news....

I called Michael from work today after lunch. Guess what he told me.... Come on, just guess....

Granddaddy is in the hospital and has been since an ambulance picked him up Saturday. Granny said they think he might have prostate cancer, along with whatever else they find when they get all the test results back. Great.

The best part? My sister DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO TELL ME!!! Mike told Michael today.

I could have visited him yesterday, while I was off work. Instead, I get to leave work at 7pm tonight, go home, get my husband and son, drive to the hospital, get there around bedtime, visit for 10 or 20 minutes, then drive home. Then we all get to go to bed late (mostly my child, who likes his 8pm bedtime and will protest VERY LOUDLY if he is late about getting to bed).

Thanks heaps, Sissy.

I love you, no matter what. I just wish you had told me.

For Rosie Lee Warner......

Today ain't the day for me to be even posting here. My friends and family know why. They also know I want space today, and don't really wanna talk to anyone. Considering this, I'm going to make this short and sweet. I'll try to not get mean or hateful here.

I don't talk about every single thing I'm working toward or researching on my blog. I don't have the time nor energy to sit here all day and update on every little thing I do or think or say. Just because I didn't mention my on-going research on circumcision, doesn't mean I have not put my child's health in the front of my mind. I don't know where you get off talking to people you don't know like that, but in my mind it makes for a very rude individual. Several names to call you come to my mind, only because you come here assuming you know all about me and my situation.

Since you know everything I think or do or say, can you figure out what these words are right now? Hopefully you are smart enough to figure it out.

If you're gonna come here to harass me and condone or belittle me, then GO THE F%$# away. If not, then feel free to hang around. Who knows, you might learn enough manners for me to learn something from you.

I've had a bad day. I'm going to bed. Hopefully today's meaning will not fnd me under the covers.

***sigh*** I wish I could be at home right now........

This night has sucked. Michael and Robbie got into an argument. I'm told it was over the fact that Michael wouldn't call me at work to see if Robbie could walk to some girl's house. I'm guessing it was raining at that time, although I don't know exactly when this all went down. So Robbie gets all mad and goes to cussing and whatever. I'm not exactly sure what was said between the two of them, but Michael says Robbie was being very disrespectful to him, in front of the company Michael had over.

Long story short, Robbie is back at Momma's. Which breaks my heart. Michael ended up calling me at work to tell me. I have been stuck here at work crying off and on since 9:30. At one point, I cried so hard I started hyperventilating and had to sit down. I'm so afraid my brother will go back to jail before I get to see him again, before I can tell him one more time, face to face, that I love him.

I'm afraid if that happens, he will do something to himself. After all, he tried the last time he was locked up, and they sent him to be evaluated. No one told me because they didn't want to upset me since I'm pregnant, which I understand. I am, after all, the family worrier. I worry about all my relatives, and try to take care of them all. But I can't, there's too much they all need and only one me. There's no where near enough of me to go around. So I'm left to chose what to try to help and what to let go the way it is. But how am I supposed to chose between people I love so much, when they need my help?

I worry so much about my mom, and my sister, and my grandparents. Are they OK? They say they are, but are they really OK? I worry even more about my brother. Will he stay out of trouble? Will he go back to jail? Will he try something stupid again? My sister-in-law, who is *thisclose* to going into labor and having her twins waaaay too early. My stepson. Do we spend enough time with him? Do enough for him? My pregnancy. It was so easy to get pregnant, and it's been such an easy pregnancy, I can't shake the feeling that something will go wrong still. Our bills. We are trying to help so many of our family members that it's starting to strain our budget. Not to serious proportions, but we have had to tighten our belts a little when it came to buying extras this past paycheck. Thankfully, Michael sold that old truck, if the guy brings the money. Another thing not helping the paycheck this past time was the two traffic tickets we had to pay. That was over $300 we could have used elsewhere.The next paycheck should have us back on track. Our finances could be a lot (and I mean a LOT) worse than they are. I'm grateful I have my job. Michael is supposed to go to work Monday temporarily, so that will help, too. Eric finally has enough work for Michael to be able to work with them a little bit. It's been rough on them, too. Eric has mostly been working for other people, not for himself.

I will be so glad when 6:00 gets here. I am so ready to go home and go to sleep. I'm so glad this is my last night at work until the last half of August or middle of September, depending on when I come back to work from my leave this summer. And my baby shower is Saturday, which should thrill me, but at the moment it doesn't help how I feel. Pooh is getting to come. We'll have to get our recliner and take it to the shower or something, because she can't sit straight up. She has to recline or lay on her side. So I don't know how we're going to do that. I guess we'll see. I wish our recliver was smaller. It would be easier to bring downstairs and get to the community center. I'm leaving that up to Michael. I don't have the energy or mental capacity to deal with it right now.

6:00 better hurry up and come soon.

Controversy on my blog????

It seems I had a little controversy on my blog over a recent post, which included my statement that I let my husband have the final decision over circumcising our unborn child after delivery. Here's my reply to the controversy:



For YOUR MOTHER, who says I'm too lazy to do the research:

WE did the research TOGETHER. WE read everything we could find on the internet, books, magazines, medical journals, etc. Obviously, and for good reason, we gave more credence to what doctors had to say over anyone else. IF YOU would take the time to READ my post, you would have read that I have left some decisions up to him entirely, OR have given him a 50/50 say in decisions. I never said we didn't research this decision before making it. You assumed we didn't give any thought to this other than, "Daddy is, so Junior shall be".

Your mother, as far as my mothering skills are concerned, you can kiss my big pregnant behind from here to eternity and back if you don't like what goes on in my house. If you don't like it, don't come here and bother to read it and then leave useless comments on my blog about them. If you do comment, at least leave something useful, other than just calling me a bad,lazy mother. I'll be sure to give you the same courtesy. Maybe next you can comment on my massive to-do list, and how it must mean that my house looks like a landfill and is unfit for adults to live in, much less children. How about going to child services and showing them my list in the hopes that my house will be deemed a health hazard,and therefore should be condemned.

You could learn something from the fact that a father (my husband) is willing to do hours of research on a topic before just saying "yes" or "no". Maybe yours didn't care and let you make all the decisions during your pregnancy and the care of your children. Maybe you're mad because you wish you had done some little thing differently now that you look back. Whatever the reason, I don't think name calling is going to get you anywhere with me.

A more effective method to go about trying to change my mind would have been the one obbermi used in her comment, offering more research material in case I hadn't already seen it.

Now, in regards to everyone:

Thank you, obbermi and K, for having more class than "your mother" had when she came here berating me and calling me names.

And just so everyone knows, the discussion regarding my blog at mothering.com was removed, without my asking or knowledge, due to copyright infringement of my blog. I did not know my blog was being discussed at such length, and sadly did not get to read any of the discussion before it got deleted by the site admin. Pity. Some of it might have been informational, instead of mindless dribble calling me lazy and pointing out how bad of a mother I am. I'll never know now. I was going to post this there, but since it's gone, I thought it better to post here than start controversy over on that site with a new thread.

I realize this is a public blog that anyone can read. I realize I have left comments unmoderated on my blog the interest of free speech and everyone being able to express their opinion. I would hate to have to moderate comments or restrict viewing to invited people only, therefore I probably won't. I like reading other people's blogs if I find a post there on a subject that interests me. I like being able to respond to comments when I read them. Sometimes this could create a wonderful debate on a subject. However, there is no need to call people names and judge them.

Information is always welcome here. Some of it I have seen, some of it I may not have found. Those who just come here, call names, judge others, and generally just make a pest of themselves need to find better things to do.

Momma and Sis, love you for having my back while someone tried to stab me while I wasn't looking. Thanks.

Obbermi and K, have a nice day. Thank you for encouraging research, providing links to research, and for the congratulations you sent me. I pray you are blessed today for being such nice people.

Your mother, just plain go the heck away if you don't like what I say on MY blog. Or at the least, offer more information rather than just name-calling and random berating of me for how my husband and myself chose to raise our children. You can look forward to calling me a terrible mother again on my next post, which will be about how I am leaving 75% of the decision on when to have our next child up to my husband, since he will be a stay-at-home dad.